756 quotes found
“Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways." ~ Amunhotep El Bey”
“For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973.”
“Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is connected to the rhythm of music. Theyre both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. Im always surprised when somebody funny i...”
“Nothing gives you confidence like being a member of a small, weirdly specific, hard-to-find demographic.”
“Roxy, stop being so obnoxious!" -Joy"I'm never obnoxious; I'm just concerned." -Roxy”
“You want me to pin my entire operation, the entire revolution on some teenaged love story? I can't believe this.”
“(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".”
“Cause if you shoot a bullet someone dies. If you drop a bomb many die. You hit a woman, love dies. But if you say the F-word... nothing actually happens.”
“While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.”
“When my mother passed away several years agowell, wait a minute. Actually, she didnt pass away. She died. Something about that verb, to pass away always sounds to me as if someone just drifted thro...”
“Comedy is a necessity to get through life with the fewest scars. Humor is the best antidote to help relieve all struggles.”
“People say memories are there to be cherished. I believe memories are there to be created, and if you do something worthwhile today, you will stop living in the past.Look forward and create, don't ...”
“Freedom from likes and dislikes, the sudden sense of identification, the spirit of comedy.”
“Anytime there's a bad female stand-up somewhere, some dickhead Interblogger will deduce that women aren't funny. Using that same math, I can state: Male comedy writers piss in cups.”
“You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!”
“It always pisses me off when Im calling in to some Morning Zoo radio show to promote God-only-knows whatprobably this book, so get ready, Im cominwhen the DJ actually tries to convince me that ther...”
“THAT'S IT!" Terminus cried. "That's AGAINST THE RULES!"Polybotes frowned, obviously confused that he was being told off by a statue. "What are you?" he growled. "Shut up!"He pushed the statue over ...”
“Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.”
“I put a chameleon on a red dildo... He blushed”
“Love is as we will it to be." ~ Amunhotep El Bey”
