218 quotes found
“Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.”
“I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.”
“A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.”
“You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.”
“Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.”
“Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore.”
“Trust is important to any relationship and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked.”
“There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.”
“Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.”
“Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.”
“I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.”
“It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.”
“Sometimes stupid is crime enough.”
“Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.”
“There are lots of fish in the sea. Some are sharks, some are angels, and some are bottom feeders.”
“A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul.”
“Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well.”
“Booze and boys, ain't nothing in the universe that'll make a girl stupid faster.”
“Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death.”
“Men are like beer. Some are bold and some are smooth. But every damn one of 'em has a big-ass head full of air.”
