30 quotes found
“It ate a party till someone ends up naked.”
“She may be an old flame, but she still smokin'.”
“Love may be blind, but lust is just damn stupid.”
“I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.”
“There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.”
“There is no feature as attractive as a well exercised intellect.”
“A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.”
“You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.”
“Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.”
“Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore.”
“Trust is important to any relationship and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked.”
“There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.”
“I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet”
“If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.”
“It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.”
“In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.”
“Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.”
“Friends are nice. You can tell' 'em stuff, but you can swear like a gangster at an enemy. And that's all right, too.”
“Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair.”
“Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores.”
“And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever.”
