23 quotes found
“Expect stupid. It's everywhere.”
“A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.”
“False hope is better than no hope at all.”
“Love is like skydiving without a parachute.”
“A person without regrets is called a corpse.”
“A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber.”
“Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.”
“Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops.”
“What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?”
“You don't know many friends you have till you buy a big-ass house on the beach.”
“You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.”
“Taxes for people with too much damned time on their hands.”
“The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments.”
“If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.”
“I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.”
“Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes.”
“All's well so long-as you don't get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge.”
“I'm just an everyday kind of hero. If the everyday kind saves babies from burning buildings and looks hotter than hell in bunker gear.”
“There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who enjoy a nice salami and those who have no souls.”
“When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all.”
“If you don't scare the neighbors while copulating, I'm afraid you're doing something terribly wrong.”
