“Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.”

“Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.”

“Chuck Norris can divide by zero.”

“Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.”

“For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.”

“When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.”

“Yo Mamas so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.”

“Yo Mamas so old, her memory is in black and white.”

“Yo Mamas so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.”

“Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.”

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”

“Aside from the obvious, Francesca, what do you want in return for supplying information? Bones asked, getting back to the subject. You to take me, she replied at once. Not gonna happen! I spat, squ...”

“Dear God, Why don't you ever get inspired by those carmakers who recall defective models? Please be humble, accept that you made and mistake and recall all idiots, criminals, haters, terrorists and...”

“Minimalism is a girl's best asset, blend tones, smudge hard outlines; if all else fails; Photoshop it.”

“Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says "Oh, no! She's up.”