“Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.”

“Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.”

“Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.”

“For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.”

“When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.”

“If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.”

“Just deleting vandalism on the Chuck Norris page," Radar said. "For instance, while I do think that Chuck Norris specializes in the roundhouse kick, I don't think it's accurate to say, 'Chuck Norri...”

“Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.”

“Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.”