1,564 quotes found
“Whirrun ignored em. Then, when Ive got two cut, and he dropped a pale slab of cheese on one slice then slapped the other on top like he was catching a fly, I trap the cheese between then, and there...”
“If you don't remove your hands immediately, I will render you unable to biologically maintain life.”
“Cheese!" I exclaimed. It was a secret prayer, whose meaning was known only to God and to me.”
“Cheat? Good heavens, this is an amateur cricket match amongst leading prep schools, I'm an Englishman and a schoolmaster supposedly setting an example to his young charges. We are playing the most ...”
“The Captain of the Watch says if you're still in the City by sunrise he will personally have you buried alive.”
“Fish and company start to smell after three days.”
“I would never say snog. I would say osculate." She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?”
“The only thing worse than fighting a giant scorpion was fighting a giant scorpion who was trying to protect her young.”
“You are not the first, and will not be the last, to say so. I wear my warped label with pride.”
“It is better to be first with an ugly woman than the hundreth with a beauty.”
“Now, what does a vampire do with a computer? Keep track of investments? Send e-mail to other vampires as you all plot to take over the world? I spend a lot of time on Wikipedia making corrections t...”
“How could you receive a member of the Male Sex in your bedroom, and in your dressing gown?Sir, I must request you to leave immediately!""You don't mean to tell me that's a dressing gown?" interrupt...”
“Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on where you were sitting) Libby let off the smelliest, loudest fart known to humanity. It came out of her bum-oley with such force that she lifted off my k...”
“How would it be, said Pooh slowly, if, as soon as were out of sight of this Pit, we try to find it again?Whats the good of that? said Rabbit.Well, said Pooh, we keep looking for Home and not findin...”
“Is she dead?" called Zenda.Sort of," I shouted, "And the pizza's completely fucked too.”
“Miss Runcible wore trousers and Miles touched up his eye-lashes in the dining-room of the hotel where they stopped for luncheon. So they were asked to leave.”
“The champagne had been donated by one of Gus's doctors - Gus being the kind of person who inspires doctors to give their best bottles of champagne to children.”
“As for Percy, he held his magic ballpoint pen like he was trying to decide whether to bust out some sword moves or autograph Nikes chariot.”
“Do not demean yourself by stating the ridiculous," Grimalkin replied smoothly. Just because my species is vastly superior does not mean you should flaunt your idiocy freely. I know why you are here...”
“Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of herfathers other brother, a horrible little man called Fergus, as henodded sadly and spoke sombrely and pocketed the silverwarewhen he tho...”
