“After all, damn it, what does being in love mean if you can't trust a person.”

“There's only one great evil in the world today. Despair.”

“All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day.”

“Success in this world depends on knowing exactly how little effort each job is worth...distribution of energy...”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”