1,564 quotes found
“My patience has dreadful chilblains from standing so long on a monument.”
“Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.”
“Why is luge a sport? You dress up like a giant sperm and go sledding really fast. Thats hardly athletic. Phallic and sexy, yes. But hardly athletic.”
“A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.”
“All young people worry about things, it's a natural and inevitable part of growing up, and at the age of sixteen my greatest anxiety in life was that I'd never again achieve anything as good, or pu...”
“We all hold the keys to our own jail cells.”
“I said, "I'll take the T-bone steak."A soft voice mooed, "Oh wow."And I looked up and realizedThe waitress was a cow.I cried, "Mistake--forget the the steak.I'll take the chicken then."I heard a cl...”
“We could get kinky and see how bats and rats make love, he suggested in a whisper, warm breath against her neck.You are a sick man, Jacques. Very, very sick.”
“Doctor doctor, what do you say, lets put the id back in yid”
“When I meet people, I no longer say "Hi, I'm Derek Landy, pleased to meet you." Now I say "Hi, I'm number one bestselling author Derek Landy. Worship me.”
“I don't know very much but what I do know I know better than anybody, and I don't want to argue about itMy mind is not a bed to be made and re-made. ”
“I want a magical horse that fits in my pocket," Wil said. "And a ring of red amber that gives me power over demons. And an endless supply of cake.”
“Cal: Im not presuming. I know exactly what you think about me. You think Im an anal-retentive Armrest Nazi . . . an arrogant Modelizer. You cant stand the way I talk, any of the subjects I choose t...”
“Greg starts a middle school and asks: Whyis "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And sayspeople need to shave twice a day.”
“Eternal nothingness is okay if you are dressed for it.”
“I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. It's the way I take them OFF that makes me better than you.”
“Oh! And they read English novels! David! Did you ever look into an English novel? Well, do not trouble yourself. It is nothing but a lot of nonsense about girls with fanciful names getting married.”
“Don't ask me who's influenced me. A lion is made up of all the lambs he's digested, and I've been reading all my life.”
“What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?Oh no, Ron, came Freds voice, very sarcastically. No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up.”
“People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.”
