“The friends you make in college are friends you'll have for life, even if you don't talk for years at a time.”

“Normal people can become very annoying if put in annoying situations.”

“I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. It's the way I take them OFF that makes me better than you.”

“You are not the first, and will not be the last, to say so. I wear my warped label with pride.”

“Stupid kissing. Stupid roaming hands. Stupid boys.”

“Julie Seagle: I would never in a million years go skydiving.Finn is God: What if I took you?”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”

“Parenting is no sport for perfectionists.”

“It is naive to think that sport is above politics, that any kind of level playing field exists, or that sport allows the world to put its problems on hold.”

“Football combines the two worst features of American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.”