“New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.”

“Long experience has taught me that in England nobody goes to the theatre unless he or she has bronchitis.”

“The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”