Quotes by Jeff Kinney

“I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,”

“There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein.But Shel ...”

“Monkeys can't talk, stupid!”

“Zoo-Wee Mama!”

“I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.”

“Greg starts a middle school and asks: Whyis "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And sayspeople need to shave twice a day.”

“Ive realized is that every time you get something cool for your birthday or for Christmas, within a week its being used against you. (We'll be taking this away until your English grade improves)”

“I'm basically one of the best people I know.”

“See, that's the problem with putting too much stock in the old days. You remember all the GOOD stuff, but you forget about the time you got spanked by your best friend's mom.”

“So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.”

“Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!”

“I think it's important for me to keep my childhood friends so that later on someone can appreciate how far I've come.”

“You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.”

“I can't divorce myself from my childhood. I try to write as much fiction as I possibly can, but there are so many things that are touchstones of my childhood like being on the swim team and playing...”

“On the first day of school, you got to be real careful where you sit. You walk into the classroom and just plunk your stuff down on any old desk, and the next thing you know the teacher is saying, ...”

“To come out and meet kids who have my books in their hands is kind of amazing.”

“I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.”

“I had a very normal, very typical American childhood. My father worked for the government at the Pentagon and my mother was an educator, so we had a very average upbringing, but that's helped me in...”

“Whenever you go with the cheaper option, you end up regretting it”

“When I started writing 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid,' I was trying to write the type of book you might enjoy, put back on your shelf, and rediscover a few years later. I hope that the book finds its way i...”