“The great thing about the Internet isn't that you can reconnect with old friends or stay up to date with developing world events or send pictures of newborns immediately around the world. It is sim...”

“Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.”

“Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.”

“Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.”

“Oh I'd be more than happy to hold, I'll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.”

“There are only a few things that are more entertaining than watching a cat trying to run across a freshly waxed wood floor after a ball.”

“Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.”

“My love is pizza shaped. Wont you have a slice? Its circular, so theres enough to go around.”

“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.”

“Anyone who is willing to work and is serious about it will certainly find a job. Only you must not go to the man who tells you this, for he has no job to offer and doesn't know anyone who knows of ...”

“Choose your counsel, company and companions wisely: beware seeking wise words of advice from a fool or expecting informed opinions or decisions from the ignorant.”

“If you find it difficult to get along with your boss, try to reason with him and talk through your differences. If that doesn't work, drive him to suicide and take over the company.”

“Believe in YourselfWhy must we see something to believe in its existence?The wind itself cannot be seen by man, but all have felt it's gentle touch and watched the mighty trees bow as it swept past...”

“And you will spend the rest of your life wondering if I have disciples to avenge me. Hire your tasters, Burbesh. Until the Master of the Sleeps comes for you, youll never know a taste of anything t...”

“You Mr Bellstrode began, and then leaning forward and sinking his voice, You would kill for money?Is there any other reason to? Well, I suppose there is revenge, but that, you know, never makes one...”