“Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.”

“Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.”

“Word of advice for any young man that might want to take out Malia or Sasha Obama - Their father can order an assassination, don't piss him off.”

“Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.”

“Oh I'd be more than happy to hold, I'll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.”

“There are only a few things that are more entertaining than watching a cat trying to run across a freshly waxed wood floor after a ball.”

“People who have so much of their personality invested in the Internet cant really survive as whole individuals without it.”

“Stupid quotes are only Twitters in disguise.”

“In modern politics, even the leader of the free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan.”

“work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it.”

“Happiness [is] only real when shared”

“That's what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you're not so lovable.”

“When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for t...”

“You know Balbec so well - do you have friends in the area?'I have friends wherever there are companies of trees, wounded but not vanquished, which huddle together with touching obstinacy to implore...”

“Things that matter are not easy. Feelings of happiness are easy. Happiness is not. Flirting is easy. Love is not. Saying youre friends is easy. Being friends is not.”