Quotes by Lois Greiman

“Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.”

“Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies.”

“Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.”

“In the beginning God made the seas, the mountains, the heavens, and buffalo knees. He made lilies, and dew drops, and snail shells, and roses, and dippers, and yappers, and snappers, and noses.”

“He looked from His heavens and saw it was good, the toes and the crows all looked like they should. The bunny was quick, the finch bright as a daisy, the owl flew at night, and the tortoise was lazy.”

“When blondes have more fun, do they know it?”

“Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.”

“Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops.”

“Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.”

“If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?”

“Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.”

“What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?”

“You don't know many friends you have till you buy a big-ass house on the beach.”

“You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.”

“A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.”

“Taxes for people with too much damned time on their hands.”

“Expect stupid. It's everywhere.”

“The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments.”

“If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.”

“I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.”