118 quotes found
“Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesn't generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life.”
“If I want to catch the damn worm I get outta bed.”
“Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.”
“He's just a flash in the pants.”
“Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.”
“Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.”
“You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet.”
“You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you.”
“If it looks like a cat, walks like a cat, and has whiskers like a cat, it's probably a damn cat. But if it eats your groceries, messes up your kitchen, and makes you want to rip out your hair by th...”
“Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so.”
“When in doubt, shoot 1st and ask questions later, but avoid the head, "because they'rea lot more likely to answer if they're not dead.”
“Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen”
“Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either.”
“They say love makes the world go around I been dizzy for a long time.”
“Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae don't never ask if the baby's really his.”
“I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms.”
“Trust is important to any relationship… and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked.”
“They say love makes the world go around… I been dizzy for a long time.”
