86 quotes found
“Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what”
“Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over”
“Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert”
“Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings”
“Never send a Man in to do a Donkey's job”
“I hate pulling out... I mean, I'm really bad at the whole parking thing....”
“If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody”
“Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy”
“To err is human, to accept full responsibility is to just run with it”
“Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle”
“If you're stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse”
“Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity”
“If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried”
“At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control”
“Women, can't live with them, can't murder/suicide without them”
“If America runs on Dunkin', do I detect a slight limp?”
“Love is the canvas covering the furniture that you've become a part of”
“I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're walking on”
“The true genius of a Woman is her subtle flair in creating the illusion that you are the smart one”
“Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth”
