86 quotes found
“positivity is the father of reinvention”
“If positivity is not your mindset, then reset”
“If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up”
“Only the good die young, the bad petite-mort”
“Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette”
“When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you”
“Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months”
“Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?”
“Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window”
“If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working”
“There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident”
“I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!”
“Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school”
“True ambition is trying to paint yourself out of a corner”
“When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time”
“Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season”
“I started to enjoy the regal sport of cockfighting... but I'm still having trouble getting the hang of windmilling the bayonet”
“I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear”
“It's one thing if your hobby is to put ships inside a bottle, but a deer in the headlights!... That's a real talent”
“Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends”
