Quotes by Ron White

“Its one thing to be an undead fiend of darkness, but it takes an immense amount of work to look cool while doing it.”

“I believe when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade...and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”

“I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.”

“Show a little faith in someone when they need it. Its amazing how it comes back around to you.”

“Political problems ruin meals. Let it be known as Erics Law of Lunch henceforth.”

“When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone who's life is givin' them vodka and have a party!”

“I have lived in worlds beyond counting and countries as strange and wonderful as the dance of dust in sunbeams, because I have lived in books.”

“Sometimes I hate this place. I mean I really, truly, hate it. It offends my narrow-minded and provincial sensibilities regarding good universe design.”

“Fangs out? Check. Claws sharp? Check. Plan? Plan? What plan? Im making this up as I go.”

“I spent a lot of last night being moody and grim.Im a vampire. Were allowed to do that. Its in all the brochures.”

“...the whole 'know thyself' thing isnt a journey to a fixed destination. Learning about myself changes me, forcing me to learn more. 'Know thyself' isnt a goal; its a road.”

“Whats fair and whats true often bear no resemblance to each other.”

“...please dont throw any more rocks at the barrier keeping the demonic hordes of the void from pouring over the world.”

“There's no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn't been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving punchlines out so you'll look cool, I don't get that. But I don't watch standup...”

“I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.”

“Vegas is famous for a lot of things, and bad marriages are one of them. Margo and I are proof that you can make this work. It just takes a little effort.”

“If you become famous and don't have a live show to back it up, they're not going to pay you any money.”

“I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.”

“I don't like to do material people have heard. Now, they like to hear material that they know, because that's the stuff that made me famous, and, unfortunately, I don't do a ton of it.”

“If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.”