756 quotes found
“Says O'Sullivan to me, "Mr. Fay, I'll have a word wid yeh?" "Certainly," says I; "what can I do for you?" "Sell me your sea- boots, Mr. Fay," says O'Sullivan, polite as can be. "But what will you b...”
“Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year.”
“Staring at my smoldering hot date, her husband stands tall for the first time in a decade, adjusting his toupee while flashing a horrid green toothy grin that looks more like a Steven Hawkins muscl...”
“In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.”
“Its truethere are only, like, two songs about rainbows, including that one. He should be asking why there are so few songs about rainbows.”
“At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy...”
“Poncho was in a red mood slanging with rage and needed to cook himself out of it , while shoving handfuls of salted peanuts down his gullet and slurping ice cold Fanta”
“The Brit's face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It's a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat's been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a w...”
“You barbarians!' he yelled. 'I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until...until you've had enough.'Ford ...”
“Only love will attract love.~ Amunhotep El Bey”
“This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays”
“I want to rip the rest of those buttons open and climb him like a monkey in a banana tree. Oh God, what I would do with his banana...”
“Being immortal is grand and all but I don't really remember half of what I did. The human brain was not made to hold this much information. So it doesn't.”
“Rosy ferried the drinks back to the table, slid the Guinness his way. You said you have a show. Is it a comedy?No, but you will laugh, I hope, after hearing my qualifications. His eyes glittered. I...”
“I do not think, Prospero,' he said, 'that one should attribute a very high degree of reality to your house.”
“Nahum bobbed again. 'My crest is cropped by croaking cranes. I go to drown in doleful dumps, dead-drunk with drearihead.”
“Maybe your aunt is funny in quiet moments with her friends because like many women her age, she was taught to not draw attention to herself. And maybe she also noticed how men of her generation wer...”
“You have more issues than Reader's Digest.”
“I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.”
“Live a life abundant in love and rich in spirit, these are the seeds of a fulfilling existence. Be the safe harbor you seek in the world. Follow your dreams, not your fear. Go into the New Year wit...”
