“People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.”

“I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.”

“Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.”

“I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.”

“I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream, when I lock into someone or something, you can't get me away from it because I commit that thoroughly. That's in friendship, that's a deal, that's a co...”

“If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.”

“Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.”

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”

“Aside from the obvious, Francesca, what do you want in return for supplying information? Bones asked, getting back to the subject. You to take me, she replied at once. Not gonna happen! I spat, squ...”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“Don't be too realistic , It will make you an Idiot .”

“An elementary school student asked me the NOT politically correct question, Is an idiot smarter than a moron? I had to Google it because I was afraid to respond in todays PC society and didnt want ...”

“Idiot - A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or act...”