Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”

“Fear has no brains it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated. ”

“Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.”

“You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.”

“The covers of this book are too far apart.”

“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”

“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”

“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”

“Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”

“Marriage, n.: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.”

“HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhet...”

“Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and ...”

“NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.”

“acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

“ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.”

“EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptians made...”

“The exhilaration of battle was agreeable to him, but the sight of the dead, with their clay faces, blank eyes, and stiff bodies, which, when not unnaturally shrunken, were unnaturally swollen, had ...”

“Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.”

“MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own speci...”

“diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.”