58 quotes found
Comedian · American · 1953
American comedian (born 1953)
“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
“Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'”
“My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.”
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'”
“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.”
“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.”
“Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night change its diapers and give it a bottle but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.”
“Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them.”
“I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.”
“Men like cars women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.”
“Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.”
“Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.”
“Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours free Retin-A.”
“Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers.”
“If you like easygoing monogamous men stay away from billionaires.”
“Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.”
“Men in high levels of government seldom surf.”
“Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.”
“All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.”
“Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.”
