Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

“To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.”

“Painting n: the art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.”

“Peace: in international affairs a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.”

“Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.”

“Responsibility n: A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God Fate Fortune Luck or one's neighbour. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.”

“Commendation n: the tribute that we pay to achievements that resemble but do not equal our own.”

“Pray v: to ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.”

“Heathen n. A beknighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.”

“Apologize v: to lay the foundation for a future offence.”

“Infidel n: in New York one who does not believe in the Christian religion in Constantinople one who does.”

“Perseverance n.: A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.”

“Achievement: The death of an endeavor and the birth of disgust.”

“Women and foxes being weak are distinguished by superior tact.”

“Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.”

“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”

“Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.”

“We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.”

“Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.”

“Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.”

“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”