Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

“Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it.”

“Abstainer: a weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

“Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbour.”

“A statesman who is enamored of existing evils as distin-quished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.”

“One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.”

“Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is instead of as it should be.”

“Mausoleum n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.”

“Epitaph n: an inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.”

“Education n: that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

“That sovereign of insufferables.”

“Destiny n: a tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.”

“Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.”

“Hope is desire and expectation rolled into one.”

“Acquaintance n: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to.”

“Ignoramus: a person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.”

“Appeal in law: to put the dice into the box for another throw.”

“Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.”

“History n: an account mostly false of events mostly unimportant which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves and soldiers mostly fools.”

“Marriage n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master a mistress and two slaves making in all two.”

“Philanthropist: a rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.”