Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

“Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”

“Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.”

“Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.”

“Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”

“Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.”

“Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”

“Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

“When you doubt, abstain.”

“Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.”

“Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.”

“Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.”

“Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”

“To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.”

“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”

“Achievement is the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.”

“You scoundrel, you have wronged me," hissed the philosopher, "May you live forever!”

“Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.”

“Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.”

“The echo of a platitude.”

“Bore: a person who talks when you wish him to listen.”