76 quotes found
“I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm talent and wit. Unfortunately he couldn't be here tonight so instead . . .”
“I do not stand on protocol. If you just call me Excellency it will be okay.”
“The number-one fear in life is public speaking and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.”
“At the end of a long introduction: You omitted perhaps one thing - that in 1974 I had a hemorrhoidectomy.”
“My father gave me these hints on speech making: Be sincere ... be brief ... be seated.”
“A good speech like a woman's skirt should be long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. I have been asked to give my address in the remaining five minutes. That I can d...”
“I sort of feel like Cindy Crawford's new husband on their wedding night. I know what's expected of me. I'm just not sure I've got the ability to make it interesting.”
“If any of you are related to our main guest let me know so I can speak slowly.”
“As my mother used to say: "Mimic a duck act calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like crazy underneath."”
“Some people might say that I think too highly of you just because I worship the water you walk on.”
“As Spinoza or someone very much like him once said . . .”
“An evening like this would be empty without some reference to [politics] so let's just think of this as empty.”
“Speeches are like steer horns - a point here a point there and a lot of bull in between.”
“My job is to talk to you and your job is to listen. If you finish first please let me know.”
“I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.”
“I don't want to be patronizing . . . that means "talking down."”
“speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin. voice in back: Begin at the ninth.”
“After such an introduction I can hardly wait to hear what I'm going to say.”
“I was chosen to speak due to my warm personality. . . . Look up warm and it means "not so hot."”
“A speech that's full of sparkling wit will keep its hearer grinning provided its end is close to its beginning.”
