“A decorator can make lots of money - assuming she wins the lottery.”

“He's always been known to be entrepenurious.”

“Let us eat and drink: for tomorrow we diet.”

“I'm not much of a drinker. It only takes me one drink to get drunk . . . my fourth.”

“They say the Japanese don't experience menopause or hot flashes. If that's the case why are they the number-one fan-producing country in the world?”

“I don't give my weight. I weigh a hundred and plenty.”

“I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm talent and wit. Unfortunately he couldn't be here tonight so instead . . .”

“I do not stand on protocol. If you just call me Excellency it will be okay.”

“The number-one fear in life is public speaking and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.”