Quotes by Milton Berle

“A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.”

“Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient”

“If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door”

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

“Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.”

“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.”

“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”

“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.”

“There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last...”

“I can't tell you his age but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.”

“Committee: A group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.”

“I'd like to tell you some jokes now but you'd only laugh.”

“Sex at eighty-four is terrific especially the one in the winter.”

“If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.”

“Laughter is an instant vacation.”

“I can't tell you his age but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.”

“I'd like to tell you some jokes now but you'd only laugh.”

“Sex at eighty-four is terrific especially the one in the winter.”

“All I can say is at 82, if I had it to live over again, I'd live it the same, sweet — or not so sweet — way. At 82, I feel like a 20-year-old. But unfortunately, there's never one around.”

“I took over the Moran and Mack spot and wowed them. The theater owner's report to the booker of the entire circuit was a glowing review. A week later I was booked on a bigger circuit. I kept workin...”