Quotes by Ogden Nash

“If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.”

“Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.”

“Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.”

“There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.”

“The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.”

“The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.”

“Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.”

“Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.”

“Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?”

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”

“The Bronx? No Thonx!”

“In the world of mulesThere are no rules.”

“Middle age: when you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.”

“Senescence begins And middle age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends.”

“If called by a panther Don't anther.”

“Middle age is when you have met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else and usually is.”

“Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.”

“Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.”

“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.”

“Here's a good rule of thumb Too clever is dumb.”