136 quotes found
“No Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.”
“I have admired W.C. Fields since the day he advanced upon Baby LeRoy with an ice pick. Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.”
“One bliss for which there is no match is when you itch to up and scratch.”
“Only two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the former.”
“Sometimes a cigar is only a cigar.”
“The blind man is laughing at the bald head.”
“The net of the sleeper catches fish.”
“We are the people our parents warned us about.”
“Worthless as wither'd weeds.”
“Rip van Winkle was lazy.”
“A diplomat these days is nothing but a head waiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally.”
“A man surprised is half beaten.”
“A nimble sixpence is better than a slow shilling.”
“Every path has its puddle.”
“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”
“Evil spelled backward is live.”
“Forgetting of a wrong is a mild revenge.”
“He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.”
“Heat madam! It was so dreadful that I found there was nothing for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.”
“I am an atheist. I don't believe in Zeus.”
