Quotes by Ilona Andrews

“She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.”

“Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a thre...”

“You will not pass! Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.”

“Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?His eyes flashed. Got any to spare? I couldve picked somebody rational. But no, I ha...”

“Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.”

“She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. Theyre anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bit and keep down swelling and redness. Swallow the pills, dont chew.Well, I thou...”

“When in doubt, poke the beehive with a stick to see if anything interesting flies out.I clapped my hands. 'I had no idea Pit teams had such pretty cheerleaders. Can you do it again, but with more s...”

“Minutes passed by. A little blue butterfly landed on my nose. I blinked at it and it fluttered to my ear. A big yellow butterfly gently floated over and landed on my paw. Soon a whole swarm of them...”

“He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. "You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, don't you, Mouse?""Nope!""Ahhh, I'm hurt. Nobody likes me.”

“Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.”

“He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably k...”

“Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies dont look awful this time.Me (Ilona): ...~A little later~Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen*Kid 1: Hey, youve got t...”

“Dina, Im bored, Caldenia announced.Too bad. I guaranteed her safety, not entertainment. What about your game?Her Grace gave me a shrug. Ive beaten it five times on the Deity setting. Ive reducedPar...”

“. . . hated each other so much their feud had become legendary. Half the jokes in the galaxy started with a vampire and an otrokar walk into a bar.”

“I turned to leave and paused before the gap in the ruined wall. "One last thing, Your Majesty. I'd like a name I can put into my report, something shorter than typing out 'The Leader of the Souther...”

“No more tubs for me." I jumped off the bed and pulled on a pair of Pack sweats. "They make me lose all sense."Curran sprawled on the bed with a big self-satisfied smile. "Want to know a secret?""Su...”

“You're right, my problems are the biggest problems ever," George said. "No, honestly, it's horrible to be me. I'm rich, talented, and I make girls cry.""How do you make girls cry, exactly?"George t...”

“Did I hurt you in the parking lot?""No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car."Great.”

“At the door, Audrey called, "Are you coming?""No, just breathing hard, love." He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, "Oh, my God!”

“This doesn't mean you're getting a discount."Audrey heaved a mock sigh. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then."Gnome choked on the soup. "I'm old enough to be your grandfa...”