Quotes by Erma Bombeck

“When God Created Mothers"When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." And ...”

“When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.”

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”

“I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food”

“Housework can kill you if done right.”

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.”

“Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.”

“Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.”

“Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.”

“Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Do...”

“Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”

“A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.”

“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”

“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.”

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.”

“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”

“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. ”

“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.”

“We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits...”

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”