Quotes by Erma Bombeck

“All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. ”

“It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.”

“I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.”

“Girls mature faster than boys, cost more to raise, and statistics show that the old saw about girls not knowing about money and figures is a myth. Girls start to outspend boys before pubertyand the...”

“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.”

“Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?”

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”

“It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows”

“Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.”

“You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family...”

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.”

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”

“I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.”

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”

“One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.”

“In Russia, as I sat there day after day wearing headphones, listening to the interpreter struggle to make our words relevant, I wondered if we could establish meaningful rapport with a nation that ...”

“Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.”

“Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.”

“There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.”