Quotes by Carl Hiaasen

“Here's my rule: You always want to pay cash for your own books, because if they look at the name on the credit card and then they look at the name on the book jacket, then there's this look of such...”

“I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.”

“Good satire comes from anger. It comes from a sense of injustice, that there are wrongs in the world that need to be fixed. And what better place to get that well of venom and outrage boiling than ...”

“My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don't just get angry and jump on a soapbox.”

“He paused and manufactured a chuckle.”

“To me, the newspaper business was a way to learn about life and how things worked in the real world and how people spoke. You learn all the skills - you learn to listen, you learn to take notes - e...”

“Humor can be an incredible, lacerating and effective weapon.”

“My books are shelved in different places, depending on the bookstore. Sometimes they can be found in the Mystery section, sometimes in the Humor department, and occasionally even in the Literature ...”

“Humor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it.”

“Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty.”

“Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.”

“I’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.”

“Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.”

“as a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game stayed the same: It was always about favors and frien...”

“Please don't grow up to be one of those men who lie for the sport of it, and most men do. That's a fact. That's why the world is so messed up, Noah. That's why history books are full of so much hea...”

“From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?""First I need a virgin.”

“...Right now there's a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me.""You don't know that.""Yeah, you're right," Stranahan said. "They're probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.”

“The classroom fell quiet, a long heavy silence that roared in Roy's ears like a train.”

“Just because something was legal didn't automatically make it right.”

“Actually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm.”