“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”

“Fear has no brains it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated. ”

“Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.”

“You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.”

“The covers of this book are too far apart.”

“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”

“We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!”

“Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”

“NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”

“I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand & the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move ag...”

“Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze. ”