“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”

“Fear has no brains it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated. ”

“Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.”

“You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.”

“The covers of this book are too far apart.”

“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”

“Tears are words the heart can't express”

“Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.”

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“For an apple you cant reach up and pick, you have to climb that tree; the tree wont bend down for you!”

“For an apple you can’t reach up and pick, you have to climb that tree; the tree won’t bend down for you!”