52 quotes found
“The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”
“Don't worry if your "you" is small and your rewards are few: Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.”
“A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you mad if it happened to you.”
“If Noah found himself back on Earth you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.”
“A sense of humor is the ability to laugh at your own jokes when your friends tell them.”
“Nouvelle cuisine roughly translated means "I can't believe I spent ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry."”
“I've had a wonderful evening . . . but this wasn't it.”
“A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.”
“Ladies and gentlemen you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .”
“I love a finished speaker I really truly do. I don't mean one who's polished I just mean one who's through.”
“Remember if God had wanted this to be perfect he never would have had me up here.”
“It is always dullest before the yawn.”
“I noticed you weren't checking your watches - you've been shaking them.”
“I'd like to thank the committee that brought this event about. It was an equal endeavor. They did the food decorations and reservations and I did the traffic flow.”
“Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime.”
“Here's to one of the most beautiful kind thoughtful people I have ever known . . . You are getting more like me every day.”
“I really don't deserve this but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.”
“I explained to him I had simple tastes and didn't want anything ostentatious no matter what it costs.”
“I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion I think it must be gratitude.”
“Some people speak from experience while others from experience don't speak.”
