52 quotes found
“Adam was the only man who when he said a good thing knew that nobody had said it before him.”
“If Noah found himself back on Earth you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.”
“Nouvelle cuisine roughly translated means "I can't believe I spent ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry."”
“Ladies and gentlemen you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .”
“I love a finished speaker I really truly do. I don't mean one who's polished I just mean one who's through.”
“Remember if God had wanted this to be perfect he never would have had me up here.”
“I noticed you weren't checking your watches - you've been shaking them.”
“Here's to one of the most beautiful kind thoughtful people I have ever known . . . You are getting more like me every day.”
“Another fine mess you've got us in Stanley.”
“He who laughs last thinks slowest.”
“Let's face it some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.”
“If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted I beg his pardon.”
