“The purpose of life is not to be happybut to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you lived at all.”

“The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it.”

“I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.”

“Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.”

“A writer writes not because he is educated but because he is driven by the need to communicate. Behind the need to communicate is the need to share. Behind the need to share is the need to be under...”

“People say: idle curiosity. The one thing that curiosity cannot be is idle.”

“No Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.”

“One bliss for which there is no match is when you itch to up and scratch.”

“Only two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the former.”

“Your vile and bitter diatribes only serve to show how vile and bitter you must be.”

“I try to make my comments like a woman's skirt: long enough to be respectable and short enough to be interesting. ”

“Comments outnumber ideas.”