1,564 quotes found
“I can't believe she's lived this long. God must be avoiding her.”
“No," he said, "look, it's very, very simple ... all I want ... is a cup of tea. You are going to make one for me. Keep quiet and listen." And he sat. He told the Nutri-Matic about India, he told it...”
“No, General. I'm not your subordinate. And what I'm coming dangerously close to is violence.-General Wedge Antilles”
“For the first time since he showed up in my checkout lane, I let my eyes wander the full length of his body. The bulge in his running down the side of his pants leg is quite noticeable; either he h...”
“Stop playing hard to get""I'm hard to get. I'm not playing.”
“I know its not the right thing to say to a lady, miss, but you are sweating like a pig!""My mother always said that horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies merely glow""Is that so? Well, miss, you a...”
“I suppose Ill have to clean up Freddys brains; I hate to leave a mess for the home owners. Hand me that plastic bag; I need to put it over his head to keep him from leaking. Oh, relax, Freddy; Ill ...”
“[He]said something that made it impossible to continue working for him.[The exact words were]You're fired.”
“I tried to speak, to tell Kit I wasn't dead. No sound came out. But I managed to lift one arm a few inches and execute a tiny wave. Hello, still alive. In a fuck ton of pain, but not dead.”
“What's the rule for fighting? Hit the soft parts with your hand and the hard parts with a utensil?”
“Someone has to do it. It's all very well calling for eye of newt, but do you mean Common, Spotted or Great Crested? Which eye, anyway? Will tapioca do just as well? If we substitute egg white will ...”
“The dwarfs can turn lead into gold...It reached the pointy ears of the dwarfs.-Can we?-Damned if I know. I can't.-Yeah, but if you could, you wouldn't say. I wouldn't say, if I could.-Can you?-No!-...”
“One of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere. I strongly support paper recycling.”
“I'd like to think...that people in pubs would talk about my poems”
“pretty girls behave better when you ignore them.”
“He lies down next to me.He says, 'You know - you have a face to die for/''Well, don't die,' I say, "we just met.”
“Steven Fry on The Da Vinci Code-"It is complete loose stoolwater. It is arse-gravy of the worst kind.”
“It's the oasis," said the camel driver."Well, why don't we go there right now?" the boy asked."Because we have to sleep.”
“Oh! Do not excite yourself. Shall I say that he interested me because he was trying to grow a mustache and as yet the result is poor." Poirot stroked his own magnificent mustache tenderly. "It is a...”
“The world is not full of crazy ninja perfume ladies!”
