Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

“Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.”

“The average IQ in America isand this can be proven mathematicallyaverage.”

“People are all exactly alike. There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian Aborigine have fewer...”

“One of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere. I strongly support paper recycling.”

“The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and th...”

“We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it...”

“Political pundits are under professional obligation to regard the obvious as being too obvious.”

“Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.”

“The Hollywooden heads would buy a car for almost any purpose except a worthy one. Many automobiles were purchased to attract members of LA's eight or ten opposite sexes. Since the denizens of Ameri...”

“A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.”

“Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.”

“I was having dinnerin Londonwhen eventually he got, as the Europeans always do, to the part about Your countrys never been invaded. And so I said, Let me tell you who those bad guys are. Theyre us....”

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”

“Americans appreciate bad taste or America wouldnt look the way America does.”

“The American political system is like fast food--mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things...and everybody wants some.”

“Considering what a hot, wed dog smells like, dog stew has a surprisingly savory odor To tell the truth, it tastes pretty good, like oxtail. To be perfectly honest, it's delicious. (Anything about t...”

“Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.”

“If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.”

“The whole idea of government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.”

“The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.”