“But I, when I undress meEach night, upon my kneesWill ask the Lord to bless meWith apple-pie and cheese.”

“All good and true book-lovers practice the pleasing and improving avocation of reading in bed ... No book can be appreciated until it has been slept with and dreamed over.”

“Here we have baby. It is composed of a bald head and a pair of lungs.”

“Some statesmen go to Congress and some go to jail. It is the same thing after all.”

“When I demanded of my friend what viands he preferred He quoth: "A large cold bottle and a small hot bird!"”

“All human joys are swift of wing For heaven doth so allot it That when you get an easy thing You find you haven't got it.”

“When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.”

“Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night change its diapers and give it a bottle but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.”

“We learn from experience. A man never wakes up his second baby just to see it smile.”