“Fucking GUNS are fucking AWESOME and when you SHOOT them at SHIT, they fucking KILL it!”

“I’m alive; I’m not gonna try eating your ass, okay? Don’t shoot!” “What… Eat my ASS?”“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“If a man tells you he's an asshole & that you deserve better, believe him...it's a warning. It's best you listen before he proves it to you.”

“When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is. * If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off. * If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zo...”

“I’m alive; I’m not gonna try eating your ass, okay? Don’t shoot!” “What… Eat my ASS?”“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Are we all just Dark Age doctors, swearing by our leeches? We crave a greater science. We want to be proven wrong.”

“I'm watching her talk. Watching her jaw move and collecting her words one by one as they spill from her lips. I don't deserve them. Her warm memories. I'd like to paint them over the bare plaster w...”

“Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.”