“I was thinking of murder, mutilation and dessert like Ignacia Sandoval’s instructions for delectable empanadas made of minced mother-in-law’s tongue (said to induce peace and harmony in your househ...”

“Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.”

“Her only thought was of getting away, as if she were carrying a live grenade from inside the house, so that when it exploded, it would destroy just herself.”

“It is better to seek the pain of heaven than the pleasure of hell.”

“We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.”

“The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!”

“There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists.”

“Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.”