“I'm so out of shape I take steroids just to watch sports.”

“I ordered a single espresso because I wanted a drink I could hook up with.”

“My girlfriend and I just had make-up sex. We both wore make-up.”

“My daughter asked if the boogie man was scary. I said, "Not as scary as the boogie woman.”

“There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.”

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”

“These days every morning begins like a joke you think you have heard before, but there is no one telling it whom you can stop. One day it's about a cow who walks into a bar, then about a man with a...”

“Sometimes When You Are Serious, People Thought You Were Joking, But Sometimes When You Are Joking, People Thought You Were Serious”

“UFO is a joke when there ain't mystery in the sky.”

“She was starting to think that it might be fun to be in control of the universe.”

“Mason took in enough cannabis smoke to allow a Lipan Apache manipulating a blanket over it to transmit the complete works of Tennyson.”