“I know every guy here, and theyre all pretty much jerks.”

“Youre supposed to pinch yourself not the one youre dreaming about.”

“Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life?”

“Im not sitting back here with another dude while there are two perfectly doable females in the car.”

“It was simply a matter of asking him to remove the tie from his head before he made love to her.”

“The Old Testament is actually pretty raunchy. You might enjoy it.”

“Mason took in enough cannabis smoke to allow a Lipan Apache manipulating a blanket over it to transmit the complete works of Tennyson.”

“Nothing is as it seems, but something is everything it is made out to be.”

“Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?”

“You'd be surprised how easy some things can be, things you never thought you'd do, when you take self-respect out of the equation.”