“I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriends period has become painless for me”

“I'm so out of shape I take steroids just to watch sports.”

“I ordered a single espresso because I wanted a drink I could hook up with.”

“My daughter asked if the boogie man was scary. I said, "Not as scary as the boogie woman.”

“There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.”

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”

“They call her love, love, love, love, love. She is love, and she is all I need.”

“Being called love or my love by someone doesnt necessarily mean that you are loved or even liked by them.”

“Wife: a former girlfriend”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”