“Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.”

“The best fiction is true.”

“If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.”

“I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.”

“Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.”

“You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.”

“Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.”

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”

“Aside from the obvious, Francesca, what do you want in return for supplying information? Bones asked, getting back to the subject. You to take me, she replied at once. Not gonna happen! I spat, squ...”

“Instead of the country agreeing with her community on the natural rightness of heterosexual marriage as the center of family life, she was now obliged to defend herself against the idea that these ...”

“The definition of irony - A Pope who refuses to give law enforcement the names of hundreds (or maybe thousands) of predatory homosexual pedophile priests around the world, then claiming that gay ma...”

“We enjoy talking about music, politics, and subjugation. Kinky Friedman to Night Rider on KOKE-FM”

“We enjoy talking about music, politics, and subjugation. —Kinky Friedman to Night Rider on KOKE-FM”