159 quotes found
“Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.”
“So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.”
“I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, a...”
“America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.”
“So my heart goes out to them. Figuratively. I would never actually entrust my heart to scientists—they'd probably implant it in a baboon. And a baboon with my heart would be practically unstoppable...”
“So, if I'm no cheerleader of sports, why write a chapter about it? Sports do have some positive impact on society. They solve problems, such as how to get inner-city kids to spend $175 on shoes. Th...”
“Our problems don’t stem from our ignorance so much as our disobedience of that which we know to be right.”
“Religion forces every individual to take responsibility. Specifically, take it away from yourself and give it to God. If we had to be accountable for every one of our actions, we'd be crippled with...”
“After Jesus showed up, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word coun”
“Maybe he’ll be different from who he was and always is.”
“Agnostics are just atheists without balls.”
“But here's the biggest head-scratcher of all: Not only are atheists destroying our country, they're completely deluding themselves. There's simply no way to prove that there is no God. If I didn't ...”
“All weather is sin-related. Lust causes thunder, anger causes fog, and you don't want to know what causes dew.”
“So, a word to all you Femin-Idi-Amins: Stop “liberating” moms by trying tomake them join the workforce. They’re already doing the job that God putthem here to do: Everything.”
“That's not a religion, that's Pokemon.”
“Divorce is a marital welfare. It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't do enough research before they got married. How is that our fault? Don't drag down my country's s...”
“The Crusaders lead to the Knights Templar; the Knights Templar lead to the Masons; and the Masons lead to the Shriners, a secret society that controls world government, toys with our banking system...”
“According to the U.S. Census Bureau, a family is defined as two or more people living together who are related by birth, marriage or adoption. In other words, the U.S. Census Bureau is run by radic...”
“... had to pee like a racehorse at an Iced Tea convention.”
